Heaven

a kiss is a kiss is a kiss

a chocolate kiss is sweet and smooth

a child's kiss is gentle, quick



but - a kiss from you

sweet, gentle, lingering



Just long enough

for longing



and quick enough to

quicken



and slow enough

to know



that heaven waits

the five decade mantra

holy holy holy. holy holy.


thy will not mine be done, thy will not mine


shield me from evil by infinite grace

one day at a time, one day at a time


yours is the power, the power is yours

Dance Fantasy

In midwinter midst

the chill and the leaves

a wind blows

and sends us all a fluttering


Leaves flutter down

You flutter in

I pirouette in the churning wind tunnel

Health

All is right with the world

It is just this body that aches

Mind that wanders

Head that throbs



I feel great in the morning

when the world quarrels

and kills



Would that the world and I were healthy at the same time

and in the same place

Hearth - Christmas Eve

With a ho ho ho

The red dwarf ascends my hearth

I wake astounded

Heath

I walked on Hempstead Heath

imagining my father's forbears there

how did they dress?

did they sing? have curly hair?



I found FitzHugh's sarcophagus

high on the heaths of England

practically on the Borders of Scotland

my maternal ancestral home

Where did they bathe?

Is this where my fear comes from?

audacious questions
for a fourth generation Buckeye

Hearty Stew

Oats, peas, beans, and barley grow
softer in the broth

Warm, moist, salty stew
is heaven in my mouth

Heats my heart with mother love
- though mother is a decade dead

Stick-to-your-ribs laughter
rings in my memory and carries me into the afternoon

Heart

My heart beats faster

and faster and faster

until I can hardly breathe



I sleep sitting in a chair

at ten in the morning



Tickling butterflies don't hurt

or do they?

Hope

Tis the season of hope

Kids hope for what they want

Merchants hope that sales will be up

I hope it will all be over soon

Salt Air

Breathing Spirit

Sweeping Care


Plainsong of seagull

pulling me from my

old self

from myself



Return to ruach

the wind

the air

Return to Spirit


and return
again...

re turn



As the sun slides down

chill, wet, wind

I head toward home



going home with God

Second Sight

They say
- you know "they" -
They say,
"grandma can see again."

But I am in mind of
a different
second sight

The new vision of
what's around
what's in
what's happening

tingling presence
cool caress

That vision that
kalidoscope-like
clicks into being

never to see the same again

when I travel in a new place
or in a new understanding,
like when I got the calculus


when I feel the unexpected
tremble
just as I fall in love

or feel the hollow tremble again
at the abyss' edge
when my true love dies


or when I whiff anew
the sweet pungence of
a puppy's breath

or despair the cavern
as my heart breaks into
what must be death


when I hear the orchid smile
or sing the rainbow
and then sit still for awhile


The refreshment of
that new vision

born of
emptiness

engenders
hope

comes with bubbles of
excitement

never to be the same again

Adrift Alone at Home with God

Bonding on a sail day
with the child
long denied

Storming,
no anchor,
not a port in sight

Running
with the wind
we bond in delight

No tacking
we come about
Returning to waters past
and come about again

Duck!
Here comes the boom.

Shades of Grey

Spent the day learning
the Afro Christian church
spawned tolerance and commitment to unity
in the United Church
of Christ.

The years of invisibility
are being brought forth
stories being told
histories being written

Invisibility is turning to grey
not quite lost
not fully here

I can't wait for the full
blackness to re-emerge

In Irons

The wind dies

and I am still.

Time alone at last

no place to go...

no one to see



Here - now - Presence

Spirit warming

holding steadfast



Now and here

as Presence pales

core beliefs bring hope



Old soul knows

chill, sun, salt, and drink

all will pass away.


Gentle breath arises and

slowly carries me home

Passion

Yearning
breaks into
a cold sweat

somewhere between desire and fear

Scars and Ashes 30 August 2009

Old hurts sealed

by retelling

Scored into

permanent scars

painful sores

wholly ours



Ashes blow in the wind

disperse

Stick in the throat,

tickle, sting, sear

Anthracite coals

of final fire

cloud second sight



Never, never does past pain

resolve into nothingness



Our scars are always with us

Our ashes soil the now

Heart Starts Away

The lonely heart

A beating sighing part

of the body human



A part of dying

A little each day

The heart starts

the soul decay



Without its daily

ration the heart

dies first, taking

soul away

Poetry Prof 5 July 2008

Water melon melon water

Watermelon, melon, water

Water melon-melon water


the dotty Chinese fellow
with bad hair dye
oughta found a more pleasing
ditty to ask that
his students follow


"Now you write, your task"
Was he teasing?
"A poem is for the ear" -- aye

What a pity
he was just another
professor who drinks
too much
then dies

Indolence

The stiff silence
gives structure
to such an easy
very present
day

reading in leisure
phone rings
orgainzing on computer
dog dings

a friend is here for coffee
we laugh
you see
easy conversation

friends unwell in hospital
and there is nothing
I can do about it

daily chores
slip into my reverie
and slip away with
the soapsuds

a new book
an omelette cooked
sweet cream
and tea

dinner with a friend
easy laughter
good conversation
lovely that hour or two

a concert date
with a friend from choir
I drink coffee
and then retire

Flow

In the spirit I move
easily through
time
space
drama
work

My being is being
heart is alive
mind is focused
body rhythms fine

Why is flow so exhilerating?
so ephemeral?
so slow to come
and fast to go?

In the groove, productive,
in synch
wanting more time to soar

High on life
easy days
I see clearly
it's but a phase

Plop!
Back to the mire
of conflict and grief
wanting to acquire
that endless relief

Oh I so long to know
how to intend
the path to flow

Fall

Autumn is dying time
yet we die in the heat of summer
not anticipating the chill.

We play and dance in summer's sun
running here, slumbering there
mindful of the heat -
can't imagine where
or when we'll get relief


We fall into false dreams
believing time will never change
the play, the sunshine, the love

holiness

the place revered
that place of holiness

the times
we heard
the Word preached

in the spirit
or
in the mind

the Word ever and always the last word

holiness today
in the rubble of war
in the rattle of pneumonia
the baby's cry

where is holiness in this?

Power

power given is power gained
the giver gains
the gainer gives

power driven into form is pain
the painful drives
the driver in pain

energy over time
in lost time,
the thousand visions
and revisions
that a moment can reverse

but the time for the powerful to envision
is now
the visionaries empowered
with energy somehow
act in concert
with the powerful to
gain anew insight and hope
for those inert and soured


energy in time
in time to save
the dying aunt
the frightened niece
the sister in denial
presence
sweet presence
is energy standing still

Can presence carry power
in time for those moments
when the disconnected glimpse
a little hope
peering into the emptiness of their pain?

Can power in presence
carry into those moments
we re-member (once more),
the comfort
of connectedness?

Rabbit and Frog

honey bunny she said
Ribbit said he

what sound does a bunny make?

add a pear and a hare
stir the grenouille

pour beure blanc pour tout
taunt the tongue

Pierre lapin watches me

from his sterling cup

but I can't see

Expectations

He quietly named the friends he was losing
at 76 and I
recall how parents, surprised,
felt this lonely prick
of their self-same mortality
with tearful eyes


alone -
The Last Leaf-
A rite of passage, this
realizing that you have outlasted your peers.


When half my friends died of AIDS
at half the expected age of death
I felt that prick.
young and energetic
I wailed, "this is wrong, this passage"
I've outlived my peers
and yet have years and years before I leave

Expectations shattered
waves of tingled silence.
hollow shivering pain
accompany the rushing realization
that the world is not as it is
or was
or should be.

Somehow I believed
my understanding
would go the distance with me.

Lost in time's continuum
in newly real vision
understanding revised
I stood shocked
The Last Leaf
at 35

*****************
with homage to Oliver Wendell Holmes' The Last Leaf

Timliness

They died too young:
David
Roger
Lloyd
Michael
Bob
Bill
Daryl
Jeannie
Doctor Ty
Virginia
Ann
Mary


What does it mean to die before your time?
What determines your time, but God.
And free will choices
And random acts of violence
And birth events
And genes

What matters when we live or die?
We matter only in relationship
with things
with work
with people we love
and those we don't

We matter in the now
And take the now with us

Sunday Calls

My father loved calling on Sundays

Visiting friends or family
he took his pleasure from polite
conversation

Sometimes we'd visit more than one home.
Short, surprise visits to all.
"A pop call," he (My Pop) would say.
Always laughter and warm comfort
of old, well oiled relationships,
memories of an earlier day

His, the art of conversing in a formal way
"How've you been?"
"What about Lucille?"
"We are busy with church and scouts."
"Little Billy is such a pill."

Why he loved calling was lost on me
a child, wanting to play outdoors
(I did like the cookies and tea)
Mostly I was bored

The connection he found
caring with someone -
if even in a formal way -
soothed mutual relations
and mended their hearts
torn by too much worldly sway
*
My father's King James bible
marked in his hand
goes with me on Sundays now

I've found new friends
among the old
and lonely ones -
caring if even in a formal way -
"how are you now?"
"do you hurt today?"

soothing hearts alone and lost
caring connections found
I hear their hearts
sing of love's long breath
as they slowly pass away

Wake Up. Call

Never married, "an Old Maid"
my father would say

lovers called roommates
the charade a promise
extracted by mom

Turning disappointment
to anger
"no one is good enough for you,"
my father would say

childless on purpose
(who would want to pass along these genes?)
I have missed important
parts of life

Known by many
and loved by them too
I never thought I would
die alone.

awaking to Presence
always with me
calling softly,
"let's just be"

Is this my chance?
commitment to love
content with my choice
faithful to vows?

How very long this
journey has been
loss of family
bereft of respect

Gladly I go
with Presence
to meet those who
die alone

Walking with Presence
to nurse families'
untied bonds of love,
lives twisted asunder

Uniting brokenness
before it's too late
to repair the bonds.
opening one heart
to life after death

So much So new

Today I met Bill
affable, bright, and polished

We had met quite by accident
and as we talked connections appeared
through the pentimento
one after another,
shared clients
shared products

Then opportunities for synergies beyond ours.

I left the meeting very high
connections
possibilites
new beginnings
nice guys

always turn me on

First Class

Today I met the folks with
whom I will spend the
next three years. First class.

bible study, faith journeys, reflections

laughs

and love...lots of love


all very different people
First class; all are called
to one apostolic faith

each a body in the Church
of Jesus the Christ,
we found, in this gelling space

Now that we've begun

I wonder who will go the distance...

Star Light

heady stuff
the congrats
and compliments

I smile and,
Elvis like, say
Thank you very much
Thank you vereh much

Can I never be a star?
disappearing in the bright
sun light

Can I just be?
bright Arcturus
lost in the lightness
of the day

Awash in star glow
receding,
a latent image
of used to be

Fellowship

They elected me a Fellow
How swell
I am jolly
and good
sometimes

Fall

She tripped and fell
going too fast
not watching her step
she went pell mell
into stop

To heed the call
Of sirens or beauty...
All pretty choices...
To want them all
Is a trap

Over-living is greed for life
Choosing the one
is to de-select a thousand other options

She who hesitates
at least avoids
the pain of choice

To choose a worthy life
Is risky

Soul

Is the soul sole?
Unique, undivided, alone

Crises rock the soul
fracture its integrity

Crisis changes the soul

Connection with the other
Empathy
Is observing
through the other's eyes
Tasting the bitterness, joy, grief
Hearing with new ears

As my soul senses the other's view
it is destroyed in tiny ways
and re-forms different
different for all time

Different from what it was
Different yet from what I thought it was

Catch a changing soul?
In being it will slip away

Time

And indeed there will be time...
Time for you and time for me
And time yet for a hundred indecisions
and for a hundred visions and revisions
Before the taking of a toast and tea....
- excerpted from Thomas Stearns Eliot "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock."

In the time - space continuum time is elastic and space is too

There will be time and there will be time
Until the moment of death

One lives as two
Until the moment of death
Then whose time tells the truth

Crisis

Today I read that chaplains encounter people in crisis.
As I prepare for hospice chaplaincy, who will be in crisis?

Crisis: from the Latin crisis; from the Greek - discrimination, decision, to decide - OED

"Don't Know" mind

not knowing the outcome

I pace

trace the possible resolutions

worry and rant

not knowing the outcome

of a something important

takes a whole lot of chant

to find the "don't know" space

of contented waiting

Pears

observation on observation

When I taste a pear, it is destroyed
no longer the whole, perfect fruit

taste or see?

Looking down the three-day Labor Day weekend



washing dogs can smell up the house

but not as bad as not washing dogs



the summer is over and gone

the heat is on

work begins for real now